What is the Meaning of Rank?

Rank

One day I found a magic urn
And used it so to pot a fern
Not knowing I was in for quite a show
For after my small fern had drank
It demonstrated shocking rank
By growing great and vigorously so!

Not only did it grow a lot
But now my plant had also got
Itself a mouth and one quite spiteful eye
And when it spoke its ghastly words
Were rank, offensive to be heard
And course enough to make a grown man cry!

And as it grew out from the urn
The evil fern began to spurn
The little space inside my living room
“This room is rank, it’s obsolete!
I’m moving now into the street!”
He gargled raucously with a loud boom.

Ten feet tall built like a tank
He bashed about the street with rank
Thrashfulness and animosity
Shockingly conspicuous
Prominent and obvious
Catching passersby to eat for tea!

Picking up my phone quickly
I called the police and army
I told them outrightly, I told them rank
“There is a killer plant about
With a cucumber for a snout!”
But they thought my call was just a prank!

All the while it grew and grew
Doing what monster plants do
Heading fast and steady for the bank
For instinctively he knew
The money there was nice to chew
And so he craved for it with lusty rank!

But before he made it there
The whole city was doomed to hear
The sound of this Plantzilla breaking wind
And oh the smell putrid and rank
Was so bad it really stank
Causing more harm than a strong whirlwind!

And for miles and miles around
Anyone who smelt that sound
Quickly found their kitchens filled with rank
Food that had quickly rotted
Putrid, festered with spotted
Mould on it, inedible and dank!

Then as one the whole city
Realized with rank degree
That the stakes involved now were so high
That if soon nothing was done
To halt the wicked flora’s fun
It was likely that everyone would die!

So in ranks the people went
In rows they walked without relent
Through every garden shop there was to find
And like soldiers ranged in ranks
Side by side they swiped and yanked
Weed killers of every type and kind!

The strategy quickly became
Not unlike an old chess game
The city moved in ranks against the file
Every piece determined to
Squirt the giant plant pot who
Kept on passing gas vulgar and vile!

He roared out load for all to hear
“Humanity has much to fear,
Don’t you see I outrank all of you?
I am much bigger than you are
And more intelligent by far
Against the king of plants what can you do?”

Then a man from in the bank
Whose name was Mister something Frank
Who was a rich and wealthy kind of bloke
Who in actuality
Bore the rank of royalty
Cleared his throat and then he loudly spoke:

“Now see here you naughty plant
You think you can but you can’t
Take over this city and then swank
It’s time for you to stop and learn
You’re nothing more than just a fern
Without status, position or rank!”

Then he said, “To be quite frank
I hardly think your brain would rank
Much higher than a snails I.Q. would.
In fact you are indeed insane
To even think you have a brain
In the end you’re nothing more than wood!”

And to the cities stark surprise
The giant fern was paralyzed
By the Man who stank of noble rank
And as the plant was being told off
His leaves began to then fall off
While he sobbed and obviously shrank

Becoming just a normal fern
Planted in a magic urn
Which became the start of inquiries...
But when the cops knocked on my door
I said I’d not seen it before
And told them it did not belong to me!

By Kerin Gedge