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Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Meaning of Testudine


Did you hear the one about
The hare who liked to brag about
His speed but when he raced a testudine
Animal he hoped to beat,
A tortoise large and slow of feet,
He was the last to cross the finish line!

Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Meaning of Tigrine


At my house you'll find a sign
Warning you of the tigrine
Pet of mine, you best beware of her...

She is a hungry vicious sort
Who prey on people just for sport,
A cat who is convinced she is a tiger!

Friday, November 28, 2014

The Meaning of Galline


One time in France I saw a mime
Impersonating a galline
Bird in the most accurate of ways,

Especially when he cocked his leg
And actually laid an egg
Exactly like a chicken when it lays!

Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Meaning of Macropine


I never will forget the time
I turned into a macropine
Creature whilst on walkabout one day,
I swear to you it's really true,
I turned into a kangaroo
And started to say strange things like "G'day."

I started calling people "Mate"
Whilst I was in this bouncy state
And pined for prawns upon my barbecue,
Fair dinkum I was quite a sight
With my jar of Vegemite
A real bonza Aussie Kangaroo!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The Meaning of Trebuchet


At home I keep a trebuchet
For those times when I might get
Salesmen selling in my doorway.
I say, "Hello, please sit right here!"
And hurl them to goodness knows where
With my machine built for throwing away.

Hailing from the days when kings
And queens used them for throwing things
At cities under siege in days of war,
Like a catapult to throw
Rocks and other missiles though
Salesmen were not what they were for!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

The Meaning of Epeolatry


I knew a man who worshipped words,
Every one he read or heard,
A most peculiar idolatry.

He spent most of his waking days
Bowing down to them in praise
A practice known as epeolatry!

Monday, November 24, 2014

The Meaning of Recusant


When I was a younger lad
Whenever my mum or dad
Said, "Don't help yourself to a cookie!"

I was quite Recusant then
And so I helped myself to them,
Resisting my parents authority!

Monday, November 10, 2014

The Meaning of Pa


One day I asked of my Ma,
"Have you seen my dear old Pa?"
By which I meant the man who is my dad.
She then looked thoughtfully at me
And said, "I have actually
During the greatest trip I ever had!"

Of course I was a tad confused
By the reply of my amused
Mother who proceeded then to say,
"I saw a Pa in New Zealand,
In the past you understand,
Whilst I traveled back in time last May!

"And there I saw a great hill fort
Built by the old Maori sort
A settlement terraced and fortified,
It was complete with palisades
Of wooden stakes those people made
To keep their loved ones safe and sound inside."

"No!" I interrupted Ma,
"I meant the man who is my Pa!"
To which she sighed and rolled her eyes at me,
"I'll get to that," she simply said
But told me something else instead,
"The letters found in 'Pa" happen to be...

"The letters used to symbolize
An element," she emphasized,
"One that is called protactinium,"
"Which is of course the element
That on the chart is resident
Between Uranium and Thorium..."

"But what about my Pa?" I cried.
She said I would do well if I'd
Speak to her whilst using a PA,
Speakers and a microphone
Both of which I did not own
Neither relevant to my dismay!

But just before I tried to ask
Again out came another blast
Of useless and unwanted trivia
It seemed that 'P' followed by 'A'
Is a shorter way to say
Or refer to Pennsylvania!

She told me that in the UK
A 'P' that's written with an 'A'
Means 'per annum' and she was insistent
It also commonly refers
To someone who often serves
As a person's personal assistant!

And then came wave upon a wave
Of the abbreviations made
Out of poor old P and poor old A
Upon my ear my Ma impressed
That PA meant 'public address'
I worried now that we'd be here all day!

Whilst like an old town crier
She spoke of power amplifiers;
The concept of power of attorney;
Press agents as well and more;
I started toward the front door
But I fear she simply followed me...

And spoke of 'purchasing agents'
And neither was she ignorant
Of 'professional association'
I quickly made a mental note
That after this I'd buy a boat
And go on one heck of a long vacation!

And last of all she told me how
PA stands for a Pascal
Being the SI unit of pressure
That of course is equal to
(I can't believe she actually knew!)
No more than one newton per square metre!

And finally she stopped to breathe
And gave my ears a brief reprieve
During which I tentatively said,
"Mum, dear Mum don't make me mad,
But where the blinken heck is dad?"
"Oh!" she said, "He's out back in the shed!"

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

The Meaning of Oaf


An oaf is what you'd call someone
Who's rough, clumsy, stupid or dumb,
Someone who is really quite a twit!
They're someone you might also call
A clown or a Neanderthal,
A silly nong, a blockhead or halfwit!

Sometimes you might like to shout
To an oaf, "You stupid lout!"
Which is a name that also fits the goon,
Along with knucklehead I'm sure
Or cretin, fool, bumpkin and boor
Otherwise you might say, "You baboon!"

By Kerin Gedge