Pa
One day I asked of my Ma,
"Have you seen my dear old Pa?"
By which I meant the man who is my dad.
She then looked thoughtfully at me
And said, "I have actually
During the greatest trip I ever had!"
Of course I was a tad confused
By the reply of my amused
Mother who proceeded then to say,
"I saw a Pa in New Zealand,
In the past you understand,
Whilst I traveled back in time last May!
"And there I saw a great hill fort
Built by the old Maori sort
A settlement terraced and fortified,
It was complete with palisades
Of wooden stakes those people made
To keep their loved ones safe and sound inside."
"No!" I interrupted Ma,
"I meant the man who is my Pa!"
To which she sighed and rolled her eyes at me,
"I'll get to that," she simply said
But told me something else instead,
"The letters found in 'Pa" happen to be...
"The letters used to symbolize
An element," she emphasized,
"One that is called protactinium,"
"Which is of course the element
That on the chart is resident
Between Uranium and Thorium..."
"But what about my Pa?" I cried.
She said I would do well if I'd
Speak to her whilst using a PA,
Speakers and a microphone
Both of which I did not own
Neither relevant to my dismay!
But just before I tried to ask
Again out came another blast
Of useless and unwanted trivia
It seemed that 'P' followed by 'A'
Is a shorter way to say
Or refer to Pennsylvania!
She told me that in the UK
A 'P' that's written with an 'A'
Means 'per annum' and she was insistent
It also commonly refers
To someone who often serves
As a person's personal assistant!
And then came wave upon a wave
Of the abbreviations made
Out of poor old P and poor old A
Upon my ear my Ma impressed
That PA meant 'public address'
I worried now that we'd be here all day!
Whilst like an old town crier
She spoke of power amplifiers;
The concept of power of attorney;
Press agents as well and more;
I started toward the front door
But I fear she simply followed me...
And spoke of 'purchasing agents'
And neither was she ignorant
Of 'professional association'
I quickly made a mental note
That after this I'd buy a boat
And go on one heck of a long vacation!
And last of all she told me how
PA stands for a Pascal
Being the SI unit of pressure
That of course is equal to
(I can't believe she actually knew!)
No more than one newton per square metre!
And finally she stopped to breathe
And gave my ears a brief reprieve
During which I tentatively said,
"Mum, dear Mum don't make me mad,
But where the blinken heck is dad?"
"Oh!" she said, "He's out back in the shed!"
By Kerin Gedge
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